I LOVE these girls more than words can explain.

These lovely ladies are my little cousins, although they're more like my nieces since my aunt is only four years older than me. I know they will completely steal the show on my wedding day.  Last weekend, the girls tried on their flower girl attire and LOVED their dresses. They were twirling, spinning, and prancing around like mini princesses. They were so precious!

Thanks to Mrs Snow Pea, I was able to snag flower girl dresses for $45 from wise-bride.com. The representatives were helpful, prompt, and communicated with me quickly when they had to special order my dress sizes. To decorate the dresses, I bought two silk roses for $2 each and hot glued safety pins to the back. The sash is made from five yards of 2.5 inch thick satin ribbon that I purchased at Britex Fabrics in San Francisco. If you live in the bay area and are in search of a great fabric store, Britex is wonderful. The shop has floors upon floors of brocade, upholstery, satin, and embellishments. I can spend hours exploring Britex (and $$$$ too, if I'm not careful!).

I wouldn't consider myself traditionally Chinese in the cultural sense. My Cantonese is at the same level of a three-year-old and my family doesn't really celebrate any of the Chinese holidays, the Lunar New Year included. But when it came to my wedding, my mom insisted on going through the whole shebang of Cantonese wedding traditions.

This weekend, my family threw me what Cantonese people call a "cookie party." The tradition goes something like this:

1. The bride and groom's families refer to the Chinese calendar and choose a "lucky date" for the cookie party.
2. The parents on both sides negotiate and agree upon a number of special wedding cakes and cookies (in individual pastry sizes) that will be purchased by the groom's family and presented to the bride's family on the determined date.
   • Anywhere from 200 to 700 cakes and cookies are typically ordered from special Chinese bakeries.
   • They are considered to be part of the wedding dowry. The idea is that when a bride marries, she will part with her parents and assimilate into the groom's family. In exchange for "losing" a daughter, the grooms family provides cakes to the bride's parents to sweeten the parting. The cakes average around $3.50 per piece, so it's actually a hefty chunk of change.
   • If the grooms family presents a large number of cakes, this symbolizes that the bride is marrying into wealth and she will be well cared for.
3. A whole roast pig on a wooden red platter is also purchased by the groom's family to present along with the cakes. The pig supposedly represents the bride's virginity. Sometimes coconuts are also given as a symbol of fertility. I've heard that a live chicken should be included in the "dowry," but obviously this is totally impractical.
4. Someone from the groom's side that is not the groom, his parents, or grandparents delivers the goods to the bride's home where the entire extended family of the bride is waiting to feast.
5. Once the pig is handed over, the brides relatives immediately chop off head and the hind portion and return these to the groom's family. This is to symbolize that everything has a beginning and an end.
6. The bride's family also has gifts prepared for the groom and his family including:
   • Boxes of food and treats (my mom gave the FILs many boxes of dim sum dishes)
   • A wallet, belt, and suit for the groom. Mr. Eggplant has no use for a suit and he already owns three, so my family gave a belt, wallet, and red envelope filled with money.
7. The bride's family divvies up the cakes and distributes them to all the relatives. The quantity of cakes is determined by the seniority of guest or relationship with the family. These are supposed to be distributed with the wedding invitation. Several of the cakes are boxed up to return to the groom's family also.
8. A big family celebration ensues on both sides and the bride and groom are not allowed to see each other until the wedding day.

Obviously, some of these traditions are incredibly outdated. I was not "purchased" by Mr. Eggplant's family in exchange for cakes and a pig and I will be seeing him before we're married. However, since my mom and everyone on her side of the family participated in the cookie party tradition before their weddings, Mamma Eggplant didn't feel my wedding was complete without my own party. Mr. Eggplant's family is also very traditional and all of his aunts had their own cookie parties.

I was a little creeped out by some of the symbolism behind the the traditions (especially the dowry and fertility parts), but I went along with things anyway. The activities made everyone happy and my parents had about fifty family members over to celebrate, so I was able to connect with many of my relatives before the wedding.

Anyway, I'll share some pictures from Sunday (Warning: Pictures may be graphic, so if you have a sensitivity to dead, roasted animals or you are fond of Babe, the sheep-pig, don't read any further!):

My aunt, grandma, and grand aunt cutting off the head and rear end of the piggy.

The front and hind portion of piggy on a platter, ready to be returned to Mr. Eggplant's family. There's also a lucky red envelope stuck on the pig's head.

Mr. Eggplant's Aunt and Uncle brought the cakes over to our house, ordered from AA Bakery in Chinatown. We received a total of two hundred cakes. Six different kinds were selected. Some of them were filled with the same sweet lotus seed centers found in Chinese moon cakes. Others were sponge cakes and large almond cookies. One of the pastries was pretty gross, with a preserved egg in the center (or thousand year-old egg) surrounded by a peanut filling. I think it was supposed to symbolize fertility or something.

These are some of the cakes that we returned to Mr. Eggplant's family along with more lucky red envelopes. You can see here that some of the cakes are stamped with a double happiness character.

Me and Grandma Eggplant (my mom's side). Sadly, I can't communicate with her very well because I don't understand the dialect of Cantonese that she speaks.

When my mom was married, my grandma requested seven hundred cakes from my dad's side of the family. Grandpa Eggplant (Pappa Eggplant's father) was so upset that he said, "Are they going to send their daughter over to my house in a horse and carriage too?!" Because the number of cakes given is a symbol of wealth, my grandma wanted my mom to ask for more cakes. Mamma Eggplant refused, citing that the cakes couldn't possibly be eaten before they were spoiled and that were high in cholesterol so our family shouldn't be consuming so many anyway.

Well, that was my first experience in the wonderful world of Cantonese wedding traditions. Have you guys participated in cultural wedding traditions? What were they and how did you feel about them?

I'm talking about my wedding gown!

Last night, I went in for my final fitting with Lucy of Lucy's Alterations and Dressmaking. Per recommendation of my bridal salon, I took my dress to Lucy for hemming and bustling. I had thought that my gown already fit me decently since I purchased it at a trunk show and the designer had taken my measurements to cut the pattern closely to my body. But when I brought my dress to Lucy, she suggested a few more alterations that would tailor the dress exactly to my shape. I was quite skeptical. Some of the alterations involved deconstructing the entire bodice of the dress, including some of the beading, and then sewing it back together again. Yikes!

Well, last night I went in to try the dress on, and I was in shock at how well the gown fit. Literally, it was like a glove. It fit so snugly that I am not worried about it slipping, despite how heavy the silk is. Lucy's adjustments made all the difference in the world. I really wish I took some before and after pictures to show guys. I will try to explain some of the things that she fixed though.

(Note: Mr. Eggplant, no peeking!)

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Sorry for the crappy pictures... I'm on MS Paint at work which is seriously lacking in photo editing tools.

 
This ornament was on the train of my gown, but once the dress was bustled, it disappeared because it was fixed low on the train. Lucy made the piece removable so that it could be reattached and visible both while the gown is bustled and unbustled.

 
The bust of the gown was originally much too big. Lucy took it in and it now fits perfectly. Also, the torso was too long so Lucy cut the gown under the crystal detailing and shortened it. She had to take apart some of the beading to do this.

Lucy also hemmed the dress perfectly, without shortening the length of the train.

Typically, a bride will visit her seamstress three to five times to get fitted for alterations. With Lucy, she's famous with bridal salons for completing everything perfectly the first time. She told me the secret is pinning the dress correctly. My dress is completed, but still has it so that she can send it out for pressing. What a time saver to only make one visit!

I will say that the alterations were not inexpensive by any means. I shelled out a few hundred dollars for hemming, bustling, and taking in of the dress. Lucy's shop is not glamorous, but rather a cluttered little store with makeshift curtains for her single dressing room. She also only accepts cash or check for payment. However, she is totally sweet and her work is exquisite! She's been in the bridal industry for 30+ years, formerly the in-house designer for Bridal Galleria and Unique Bride, so she's worked with all types of dresses from lacy Melissa Sweet numbers to intricate Monique Lhullier gowns. I asked her what was the most expensive gown she ever worked on and she told me she once altered a $19K Kenneth Pool dress. Whoa.

If you have a design or photograph of your dream wedding gown, Lucy also custom sews dresses for brides. For a couture copy, the cost is nearly 50% of what you'd pay at a bridal salon. Lucy will order the fabric and everything. I WISH I would've known about Lucy before I purchased my gown because I would've gone to her rather than a salon. Ah well, c'est la vie. But if you want a custom made dress or need some alterations done, I highly recommend Lucy! Your expensive gown will fare well in her hands.

Chinese people eat interesting stuff. Even with my traditional family upbringing, I do a double take with some of the things my mom orders at restaurants. (Pigs blood stew? Frog leg congee? Mmm. I think I'll pass!) A few years ago, I took a vacation to China with my family. While we were there, I visited many herbal shops and markets. I am not kidding when I tell you that one of the medicine shops we visited was selling human placenta for soup-making purposes. Really! It's believed that consuming the placenta will keep a person young.

Thankfully, a typical Chinese wedding banquet does not serve the human placenta or male deer.. umm... parts that I saw while in China. But there are a few dishes that may cause some non adventurous eaters to cringe. Most people, including myself, do not know the symbolism behind the dishes served at a Chinese banquet. Everything has a meaning!

For those of you who are having a Chinese banquet and want to provide an explanation of the dishes for your guests, I found a few helpful descriptions at http://www.chcp.org/banquet.html, a few of which I've copied and pasted below: 

(Picture from Gastronomic Diary)

Vegetables with Sea Cucumber. Serving sea cucumber with vegetables is a sign of selflessness because “sea cucumber” sounds like “"good heart” and this dish wishes the couple to think in a similar way – to avoid conflict.

(Picture from Aroma Cookery)

Shark’s Fin Soup. Soup usually follows the appetizers. The type of soup has some significance, for example, shark’s fin soup indicates wealth because this delicacy is very expensive.

(Picture from Sun Sui Wah)

Squab (or Other Fowl). According to Shu Shu Costa, the author of Wild Geese and Tea, pigeon has tender meat that symbolizes peace. Usually two pigeons are offered to wish the newlyweds peace as they start their new life together. Squab (pigeon) is similar to quail, so they both probably symbolize peace. Quail is offered whole to each guest so each and every one will also experience a peaceful life. Serving fried chicken would wish the couple to have a good life because in Chinese “red chicken” sounds like “good life.”

(Picture from Aroma Cookery)

Sweet Red Bean Soup and Sweet Buns. Serving dessert probably wishes the newlyweds a sweet life. The hot sweet red bean soup should contain lotus seeds (lian zi) and a bark-like vegetable (bak hop) to wish the newlyweds a hundred years of togetherness. The sweet lotus paste in sweetened steamed bread symbolizes fertility; it is shaped and colored to resemble peaches (ta zi), since the peach represents long life. The sticky dumpling you describe, covered with crushed peanuts with black sesame paste in the center, is called mochi. (You might consider mochi with lotus paste or red bean paste for their symbolic value rather than black sesame paste.)

Happy eating, folks!

Although Mr. Eggplant and I are not wine drinkers, we received an early gift from one of Mr. Eggplant's uncles. He belongs to a wine club and gifted us with wine for our reception wrapped in personalized labels with our names. We now have enough wine for 35-40 dinner tables to receive one bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon each.

Yes, they are just the tiniest bit cheesy, but I think they're pretty cute and it was quite thoughtful of UIL Eggplant to give us such a generous gift. Our Chinese banquet venue is allowing us to provide our own alcohol without a corkage fee, which is unheard of at most reception sites (but that may just be because the restaurant owner is family friends with Mr. Eggplant's relatives). Our Saturday reception venue charges a corkage fee of $15/bottle--typical but expensive--so we'll be providing the personalized wine on day two of the wedding celebration.

For those of you who want to personalize your beverages a bit, these sites are great resources:
http://www.winelabel.com/
http://www.myownlabels.com/ML113.asp
http://www.bottleyourbrand.com/shop/category.asp?idCat=13

Or you could go the DIY route like Miss Lemon and her fabulous label projects!

Here's a picture of Mr. Eggplant and me dressed and ready to board a float for the Chinese New Year parade.

Just kidding, of course. I picked up my cheongsam over the weekend and while I was at the shop, Mr. Eggplant and I tried on a few traditional Chinese outfits for the tea ceremony portion of our Sunday reception. We decided against having Mr. Eggplant wear the outfit in the picture above since we want our guests to take us seriously.

My mom rented her tea ceremony outfit when she was married, and I'm going to do the same since. The skirt and top pieces are very ornately embroidered and incredibly expensive to make.

This is the outfit I'll probably wear, but it's a tad big so I'll have to rent a smaller size.

Mr. Eggplant might get a traditional top like this one and pair it with plain black slacks.

While I do not believe in customs or superstitions that bring good luck or fertility, Mr. Eggplant and I are participating in the tea ceremony to keep as much tradition in our ABC blood as possible, and to honor our parents and grandparents, who were born in China/Taiwan and still appreciate the symbolism.

For those of you interested in incorporating a Chinese tea ceremony into your wedding, I found these nifty instructions on eHow.com:

1. Prepare tea with lotus seeds and two red dates to serve after the ceremony. The reason for this is that "lotus" and "year" sound alike in Chinese, as do "seed" and "child," and "date" and "early." Chinese tradition holds that adding the items to the tea helps to encourage fertility.
2. Remember that serving sweet tea to the groom's family during the wedding ceremony also helps bring about sweet relations between the bride and her new family.
3. Allow time at the wedding for you and your spouse to serve tea together to the groom's family.
4. Invite the groom's elders to join in. Address them by their formal names, such as First Aunt and Third Uncle.
5. Offer chairs for the guests.
6. Arrange the seating with the women to the left and the men to the right. 
7. Kneel down with your spouse on the floor.
8. Remember that the bride is positioned in front of her father-in-law, the groom in front of his mother.
9. Arrange for lucky women, or ones who will bring you good luck, to help you serve.
10. Hold the teacup in both hands when you present it to each person.
11. Serve the tea to the groom's parents first, then proceed in order from the oldest participant to the youngest.
12. Expect to receive lucky red envelopes, called lai see, containing money or jewelry, from the groom's family.
13. Look for these envelopes to be placed on the platter on which the tea is served.

While the wedding tea ceremony is only for the groom's family, the bride serves tea earlier in the day to her own parents. In this way, she thanks them for raising her.

Although it looks like Mr. Eggplant is diligently studying all the reasons why he's excited to marry me, he's really doing our table seating arrangements.

We're setting up our reception room with 18 or 19 round banquet tables that seat 8-10 people per table. I know tons of seating software programs exist out there and I could even use MS Excel, but I'm really a hands-on type person. I work much better visually, so I printed a mail merge of my guest list to some address labels and adhered them to a bunch of index cards that I cut in half. Once that was done, it only took Mr. Eggplant and me thirty minutes to finish our table arrangements.

I was worried that the seating people would be much more of a headache, but it was pretty quick and easy. Well, for the most part, anyway. There's always a little drama involved (I can't seat Guest A near Guest B because they used to date and Guest A is bringing his new girlfriend... I can't seat the divorced parents next to each other, but which table do we place their children at?).

I am a *bit* worried about some of the fragile dynamics, but everyone is an adult and I trust that our friends and family are more mature than to cause a scene. Although... I ran across one unfortunate incident one Saturday night when Mr. Eggplant took a stroll outside our wedding venue. I wanted to take a peek at what the courtyard set-up would look like while a wedding was in progress. As we walked by the reception, I happened wo walk past a guy in a tuxedo cursing at a nicely dressed older man and woman:

Young man in tux: You keep that crazy woman away from here! Don't ever bring her near us again!

Older woman to older man (I'm assuming her husband?): (mumbling) That's it, he's cut off from everything! That's the last check I'm writing to them!

I don't know why, but I got really sad watching that spectacle. Weddings are supposed to be full of joy and excitement and it saddens me to watch when people cannot get past their own differences for one night to celebrate a new beginning for their loved ones. Of all the things that could go wrong at a wedding (cake falling to the floor, flowers coming late, etc), it would devastate me the most to have a dramatic scene between family or friends.

Have you had to deal with touchy dynamics while doing your seating chart? How did you deal with it?

Mr. Eggplant and I will be moving into our new condo late this winter. The building was sheduled to finish in fall 2008 which was PERFECT timing for our October wedding... until the completion date was delayed two times, to February of 2008. Did I mention that we have nowhere to live after our wedding yet? 

As it goes, we also don't have a single kitchen thing to stock our cabinets. Well, last week we got... our very first wedding present!

Mr. Eggplant registered his current address for gift shipment. Last week he received a package from a couple who cannot to make it to our wedding due to rigorous med school rotation schedules. How thoughtful of them to send us a gift anyway! Well, I would NOT let Mr. Eggplant open our very first gift without me. I made him wait until I came over so that we could open the present together.

Of course, I had to photo document the moment for scrapbooking purposes.



Inside were a set of everyday white plates!



It may not seem like much to get excited about, but I'm thrilled because Mr. Eggplant and I currently have ZERO kitchen stuff and I know that I'll be eating off these babies for the next 25 years. My parents are still using the same dishes they received as gifts when they got married!

As for gift etiquette, I have a question for you guys: Do we mail out "thank you" cards right away or is it ok to wait until after the wedding to thank the early senders? If someone purchases off an online registry, does the person get notified that we've received the gift? I've sent registry gifts before and had no idea if the bride and groom ever received them (I didn't receive a thank you card either). I wouldn't want people to wonder whether their thoughtful gift was camping out on a UPS truck somewhere.

Going crazy, that's where!

Thanks to Miss Daffodil's mad planning skills, I've spent the last few weeks getting organized. Let me just tell you that a month or so out from the wedding, my checklist is still LONG! Not to mention, details that I never originally thought about are contstantly coming out of the woodworks and being added to the list.

On the screenshot of my planning calendar:
green = shared tasks between me and Mr. Eggplant
blue = Mr. Eggplant's stuff
pink = My stuff
orange = Our parents' stuff
purple = Things to assign BMs and GMs
gray = Stuff for vendors to do

I think I need to delegate more tasks out, but so many of my "to dos" involve making decisions: choosing flowers, choosing linens, choosing songs... There isn't much that our BMs and GMs can help with yet.

How did you guys delegate your tasks so that wedding planning isn't so overwhelming?

Mr. Eggplant and I visited the county clerk's office today and picked up our marriage license! The whole process was done in 10 minutes since we registered online the night prior. We can get married anywhere in California within the next 90 days. There's no turning back now! At least, without a $78 loss in processing fees.

Mr. Eggplant predicted that I was going to take a picture for the bee so he purposely wore his favorite Mets t-shirt. He says if we get married and the Mets make it to the World Series all in one year, it'll be the best year of his life.

Hmmm. I think I should have picked our wedding date more carefully. Now, I will have to tear my man away from his baseball to get a decent anniversary meal.